Squiddie, nobody is trying to throw acid on your ‘predicament’ and if the forum was unfriendly you wouldn’t get any responses. It’s just that your story is a concoction of such wimpish sadness and hilarity that it has tickled the collective funny bone. Think about it. For a thirty-something you sound like a pizza faced pubescent virgin. You fall in love at the drop of a hat then go on to say that you are agonising a life changing decision that could have disastrous consequences yet do not explain the likely cause of this disaster. You mention passionate love making during your two days together despite your penile dysfunction; way too much information provoking thoughts of those little bunnies and long-life batteries. All this is then followed by hours of long telephone conversations and poetry reading.

Of all the dipsticks I’ve encountered you’re nowhere near the top of that sorry list however I should admit that whilst the truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction, your story lacks emphasis on the fact that you [the protagonist in this yarn] have not consummated this relationship sexually. This unresolved issue is of the greatest importance to the agitation of emotions. All this agonising, sweet talk and poetry is substituting an erection and its ultimate purpose.