Sorry, Vera, I didn't mean to belittle your contribution. The amazing thing is that we do not know what makes people happy together in the long term. There is plenty of opinions, but very little hard evidence. Yet all the time people argue with their opinions. For example, it is often assumed that if mates have similar intellectual capacity they would do better in the long term than if there are differences, in other words, e.g. in "what are you going to talk about then"? Assuming that it is necessary for long term happiness and stability that mates can discuss intellectual matters. But is that true? I don't think it is true.

But this questionable contribution of equal intelligence for stable happy relationships is only one example of where we simply don't know what makes relationships work in the long run. Another author has described 5 ingredients of relationship chemistry which are determinants: intimate connection, physical fit, fun, respect, safety. If these fit, things can be very good for a long time. This author does not mention intellectual fit at all, and it is based on clinical evidence gathered in many years of relationship counseling.

What is really annoying me about Esprit's piece earlier is that he assumes too much, even how I ended up in the primary relationship that I have. The bottom line is, people do jump ships, divorces happen. Yes it hurts. But yes it can be managed, especially as far as kids are concerned. Yes it's not ideal. But so what? Pin me down in a straight jacket? What else is this lecturing in nifty speech trying to accomplish?

Esprit is also assuming that it is a given that this Brazilian girl is a mistake for me anyway. We don't know this. There is the question of whether she is a mistake for me if I was free. And there is the other question whether even if she was not a mistake, I should make myself free. These questions have answers, even rational answers, somewhere. But certainly these answers are in the specific, not in generalizations and not in all those supposedly literary words that Esprit is spinning without knowing the details of the case in question.

Currently I simply refuse to jump to conclusions. I have a chance to find out more. Ideally I will end up finding that no I was mistaken by her and will find that life at home would be really much better (now) than it looked before (and no, I do not need Esprit jumping to conclusions about whose fault this is and how it happened as it did.) Less ideally, I will find that yes, she is the one, but too late and I can still decide to desist from going for my bliss to keep life simple for the family or to spend a lot of emotional energy on going after a dream come true. There is many ways to do these things, bunch of people just dump and run. Others find some way of making a viable arrangement. And whatever the decision, the final outcome no one knows or can predict.

Oi Vera, sim, eu entendo português. Obrigado.

Sobre seu primeiro parágrafo :

Originally posted by Squiddie . ...By the way, keeping this girl as a mistress was your idea, Esprit, not mine...

Squiddie, do you realize that if you were to leave your family in order to have a relationship with a poor 20something Brazilian, your wife would have you legally BY THE BALLS?

It's an easy argument in the courts due to the history of child abductions in Brazil-US couples. Your wife can say she's afraid you'd take the kids to Brazil and never come back. And boom, she wins custody, and you never see the kids again.

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.